ok kids, i know it's going to be hard on you, but i'll be away for a whole week. it's vacation time at the beach, my lovelies. and it's time for another lovely Graves woman to get married. mia and archie will be celebrating their wedding on saturday. yay! i'll be sure and take copious notes so i can fill you in on all the details.
interesting conversation i had with a friend today re: hell. we both agree that we are probably going to end up there(at least for a little while, since we both laugh at completely inappropriate things, like when people fall down, etc.), and while being together is somewhat of a consolation, my friend totally shot down the idea that there would at least be good music in hell. my friend pointed out that yanni and john tesh would probably be there. that was a total buzzkill because i was kind of counting on being in the corner with the cool rockers (like jimi hendrix, or janis joplin). dammit.
i went to my favorite music store today. i gots to have some new tunes for the ride to the beach. i got some good ones. you should totally go get some brighteyes. he's fabulous. not as good as ray lamontagne (who i think should be played at least once a day), but still pretty good. i can't get behind the buzz of referring to him as the new dylan, but whatever.
i need to go home and do laundry and pack. i am so excited about this trip, but i hate packing. i really just hate it. i feel like i do nothing but pack and unpack and do laundry so i can pack again. i swear the smartest investment my mother ever made for me, short of my college education, was to buy a little samsonite shoulder bag. i love that thing. it's like 10 years old, but it's amazing. i can pack for a whole week in that thing, if i'm careful. i intend to be careful when i'm packing tonight. the worst part about being single on vacation is not having anyone to carry your bag for you. and that's all i have to say about that.
i'll expect copious phone calls while i'm gone.
mil besos-r
18 April 2005
14 April 2005
thursday, part 2
ok, people. it's 3:55, i'm drinking my afternoon coffee and having some animal cookies (the frosted kind, not the plain kind) and pondering the fact that aretha franklin is a genius. she just knows exactly how to say things. i have been chair dancing a lot to day. it's a combination of factors really-- the cute haircut, my favorite blue shirt, and good music. oh, and let's not forget mind-numbing boredom and a total lack of work ethic.
the only thing that makes me half-way like doing paperwork is the fact that i get to use my new chococat pen. chococat is hello kitty's best friend, in case you didn't know. i have crossed off almost half of my gigantic to-do list. lord save us, i've been productive in spite of myself. dammit. i still want to be outside. boo hoo, poor me. at least after four years, they finally gave me an office with a door. baby steps, mi amigos, baby steps.
here's a conundrum i'd love have some insight toward: how to you tell a friend that you fear they might have just slipped from being a "chilled out person" into being a "champion of mediocrity" and that their vision of ministry and philosophy is so out of wack that you can't really have a productive conversation with them?
i'll be here until 7. you might even get three posts in one day. you'll only read them if you're half as bored as i am, though, i bet. after 7, i get to go home and clean house!! and pack!! yay!!
mil besos-r
the only thing that makes me half-way like doing paperwork is the fact that i get to use my new chococat pen. chococat is hello kitty's best friend, in case you didn't know. i have crossed off almost half of my gigantic to-do list. lord save us, i've been productive in spite of myself. dammit. i still want to be outside. boo hoo, poor me. at least after four years, they finally gave me an office with a door. baby steps, mi amigos, baby steps.
here's a conundrum i'd love have some insight toward: how to you tell a friend that you fear they might have just slipped from being a "chilled out person" into being a "champion of mediocrity" and that their vision of ministry and philosophy is so out of wack that you can't really have a productive conversation with them?
i'll be here until 7. you might even get three posts in one day. you'll only read them if you're half as bored as i am, though, i bet. after 7, i get to go home and clean house!! and pack!! yay!!
mil besos-r
public school?
ok, i'd like to address two instances of irritation i've had since friday. while driving an suv full of junior high children to the beach this weekend, somewhere between austin and cuero, i discovered that they had no idea who winston churchill was. i was shocked and dismayed. these kids are 6th and 7th graders, who've had social studies since the 2nd grade, and they all go to public school, which means that i pay for their education. and they don't know who winston churchill was. seriously people, what the hell? someone thought he had been in a band, and only one kid knew he "wasn't from here". geeze, louise. then last night, i'm doing one on one conferences with my high school children and i not only have to explain who karl marx was to one child, but i also have to explain the meaning of the word "vernacular" to the same kid. he's a freshman in high school. no idea about karl marx, no idea about basic vocabulary. and yes, this kid is a public school kid. dammit.
someone, please tell me what this means?
i'll be back later with more info...my hair looks fabulous, in case you were wondering.
two new expressions i picked up from friends yesterday that need to be noted in this venue:
"crotchular" in relation to a pant malfunction suffered by one of my girls recently. come on, we've all dealt with this, people.
"galloping dandruff" in relation to a "social disease" one might pick up from a mail order spouse.
see if you can work THOSE little gems into your conversations today, along with the venerable mr. churchill (when is manchester going to write his third volume already?) and vernacular.
end of message, mil besos--r
someone, please tell me what this means?
i'll be back later with more info...my hair looks fabulous, in case you were wondering.
two new expressions i picked up from friends yesterday that need to be noted in this venue:
"crotchular" in relation to a pant malfunction suffered by one of my girls recently. come on, we've all dealt with this, people.
"galloping dandruff" in relation to a "social disease" one might pick up from a mail order spouse.
see if you can work THOSE little gems into your conversations today, along with the venerable mr. churchill (when is manchester going to write his third volume already?) and vernacular.
end of message, mil besos--r
13 April 2005
some kind of itis
when i was in high school, my parents would refer to occasional moods and attitudes i displayed as "senior-itis". i even diagnosed myself with this same affliction a couple of times in college. ok, more than a couple. pretty much every friday in spring that i had money for beer and a tube rental for the river i would beg off on the grounds that i was suffering from senioritis, whether i was a senior or not. since i was never really a freshman, i reasoned it was fair enough. i guess senioritis is the same thing as spring fever...
i have a severe case of it today. i don't want to do ANYTHING but blow off work, go home and get a book and a towel, and head to barton springs to soak up some sun and be outside. i have a million and 87 things i need to be doing, and i just can't make myself buckle down for beans. spring fever strikes again. even reading about random inane information, which usually spurs me to do actual relevant work isn't doing the trick today. instead of steering me toward work, it's just irritating me, because i can't do what i want to do. sometimes being a responsible grown up is not fun. blah.
i'll live. i mean, i'm griping about delaying gratification, because this time next week, i'll be neck deep in the gulf of mexico, with a cooler full of adult beverages waiting for me on the shoreline. i love family weddings. more than that, i love destination family weddings. maybe one day i'll even have my own destination family wedding. that's a whole other blog for a whole other day.
i'm getting a hair cut tomorrow. like you needed to know that, right?
mil besos-r
i have a severe case of it today. i don't want to do ANYTHING but blow off work, go home and get a book and a towel, and head to barton springs to soak up some sun and be outside. i have a million and 87 things i need to be doing, and i just can't make myself buckle down for beans. spring fever strikes again. even reading about random inane information, which usually spurs me to do actual relevant work isn't doing the trick today. instead of steering me toward work, it's just irritating me, because i can't do what i want to do. sometimes being a responsible grown up is not fun. blah.
i'll live. i mean, i'm griping about delaying gratification, because this time next week, i'll be neck deep in the gulf of mexico, with a cooler full of adult beverages waiting for me on the shoreline. i love family weddings. more than that, i love destination family weddings. maybe one day i'll even have my own destination family wedding. that's a whole other blog for a whole other day.
i'm getting a hair cut tomorrow. like you needed to know that, right?
mil besos-r
12 April 2005
random bit of information
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerealia
some of you know my penchant for the trivial. this is right up my alley. today, i'd like to remind each and every one of us of our roman/greek influences, everything from paved roads, indoor plumbing (praise G-d!), govermental archetypes (for which i am sometimes thankful), to the way western theology has evolved over two thousand years of Christian influence.
ceres was the roman godess of grain. in greece, she was known as demeter. her husband was her brother, jupiter (zeus in greece). their daughter proserpina (persephone in greece) was wooed away to become queen of the underworld, and cerealia commemorates Ceres' search for her daughter. apparently the festival was celebrated in several ways. one involved tying lit firebrands to the tails of foxes, and turning them loose in the circus maximus. the other involved a bunch of women dressed in white running around with lit torches. go figure. i don't know what the roman obsession with running and fire, or running with fire was, but it's a bleeding miracle that any of them lived to tell about it.
i guess if i were going to make a recommendation for how to celebrate cerealia today (which i wouldn't because everyone knows that you get sent straight to hell for that sort of thing, and by that sort of thing i mean celebrating a PAGAN holiday), i'd have to go with lighting up a giant 120 mentol (which i wouldn't because i quit, and because it's bad for you, and because it's not fancy at all) and eating a bowl full of chex mix (which you shouldn't eat because the dietary fiber content is negligible, the sodium content is astronmical, and it gives you horrible stinky garlic breath). and maybe drink something stiffer than a diet coke (but i can't, since the diocese passed all the dumb rules about drinking on the job).
it's going to be a long week...
mil besos-r
some of you know my penchant for the trivial. this is right up my alley. today, i'd like to remind each and every one of us of our roman/greek influences, everything from paved roads, indoor plumbing (praise G-d!), govermental archetypes (for which i am sometimes thankful), to the way western theology has evolved over two thousand years of Christian influence.
ceres was the roman godess of grain. in greece, she was known as demeter. her husband was her brother, jupiter (zeus in greece). their daughter proserpina (persephone in greece) was wooed away to become queen of the underworld, and cerealia commemorates Ceres' search for her daughter. apparently the festival was celebrated in several ways. one involved tying lit firebrands to the tails of foxes, and turning them loose in the circus maximus. the other involved a bunch of women dressed in white running around with lit torches. go figure. i don't know what the roman obsession with running and fire, or running with fire was, but it's a bleeding miracle that any of them lived to tell about it.
i guess if i were going to make a recommendation for how to celebrate cerealia today (which i wouldn't because everyone knows that you get sent straight to hell for that sort of thing, and by that sort of thing i mean celebrating a PAGAN holiday), i'd have to go with lighting up a giant 120 mentol (which i wouldn't because i quit, and because it's bad for you, and because it's not fancy at all) and eating a bowl full of chex mix (which you shouldn't eat because the dietary fiber content is negligible, the sodium content is astronmical, and it gives you horrible stinky garlic breath). and maybe drink something stiffer than a diet coke (but i can't, since the diocese passed all the dumb rules about drinking on the job).
it's going to be a long week...
mil besos-r
08 April 2005
something totally different
i figure life on longvallyelane.blogspot.com can sometimes read like one long random ramble about my life. that's because that's exactly what it is. but, i also imagine that sometimes you might want more from me, more hard hitting information, and fewer pms induced rants. because i care about what you want, or at least because i'm supposed to care what you want, i figured i'd expand on something i had to do for work earlier this week i'd also love, love, love if this could generate some conversation on the comments section., or at least tell me what you think. or if you just like the news and rants, minus any philosophical waxing. let me know and we'll see what we'll see. smooches--rmg
Prayer of Mother Teresa
Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go.
Flood our souls with your spirit and life.
Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly
That our lives may only be a radiance of yours.
Shine through us and be so in us
That every soul we come in contact with
May feel your presence in our soul.
Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus.
Stay with us and then we shall begin to shine as you shine,
So to shine as to be light to others.
The light, O Jesus, will be all from you.
None of it will be ours.
It will be you shining on others through us.
Let us thus praise you in the way you love best
By shining on those around us.
Let us preach you without preaching,
Not by words, but by our example;
By the catching force-
The sympathetic influence of what we do,
The evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.
Amen
The Kalighat Home for the Destitute and Dying stands on the site of a temple dedicated to Kali, the Hindu goddess of death and destruction, in the midst of a city dedicated to that same goddess. Mother Teresa arrived in India in 1931, and began to help establish an incredible Roman Catholic presence in a country that had very little religiously in common with her church’s ideology. Nevertheless, Teresa began to do her work in the streets, in schools, in the sewage filled neighborhoods of Calcutta. Mother Teresa came to that city as a teacher, and in 1952 reclaimed the Kalighat Temple, and turned it into a haven for the poorest of the poor. She renamed it Nirmal Hriday (Pure Heart), and it was there that Mother Teresa began her life’s work and ministry. Helping poor Bengalis know that there was hope and care in a society that called them “untouchable”, Mother Teresa would walk up and down the aisles whispering to them in their native tongue that “God is here” and touch their foreheads with her small hands.
Now, i have some issues with the Catholic Church, and with overt proselyzation. But that discussion is for another day. The thing about this prayer and about this story that just leaves me in awe and amazement is that opening line-- Jesus, help us spread your fragrance all around. Think about that for a minute. Imagine being surrounded by death at every turn, surrounded by raw sewage when you step outside to get a breath of "fresh" air, and to still have the desire to pray for a new smell. What must Jesus smell like in that instance? I know that seems like a random question to ask, but really, what would you want to smell in the place of what was there. Smell is a powerful sense. It has the power to generate memories that are powerful in their intensity. Case in point--the smell of camay soap always reminds me of my great-grandmother's bathroom, and these funny little picture things she had hanging on the wall. The smell of coconut reminds me of the beach. The smell of gardenia reminds me of my mother. The smell of patcholi reminds me of the drag.
For me, were I to stand where Mother Teresa stood, Jesus would smell like several things. Jesus would like that moment between being asleep and awake, when you can almost smell breakfast, almost smell the fresh shampoo smell from last night's shower, almost smell the laundry sheet you dry your bed linens with. it's a smell that's almost nothing, but very definitely something. Almost overwhelming in its simplicity, but above all, comforting and so incredibly ordinary. Or maybe Jesus would smell like a wide open field after a good central texas rain, full of wild flowers--smelling sharply green, slightly sweet, and so clean you could eat off of it. Or maybe I'm reaching too far with this analogy, and have finally slipped into the sweet bliss of crazy. Who knows.
What I do know is that there are days when the sights, sounds, smells, and frenetic pace of life overwhelms each of us. I do know that there are days when we get so caught up in our own ambitions, intrigues, relationships, and disappointments that we forget the very basic necessity of breathing in and out. My yoga teacher (we hosted a class during let at the church) reminded us that breathing in and out is something we should concentrate on doing, that it's part of us loving ourselves. Prana is the Sanskrit word for "life-force", which is connected to breath, but is so much more than just breath. Our teacher told us to feel our prana when we breathed, to take time out every day to feel it, if only for a moment, that our breath and our bodies were alive. It's amazing how squaring back your shoulders and breathing all the way to your toes five or six times can change your entire attitude. And in opening up your lungs, in being mindful of the breaths we take, maybe, just maybe, we can smell Jesus. And maybe after we've done that, we can take that scent with us, and share it wherever we go.
mil besos--r
Prayer of Mother Teresa
Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go.
Flood our souls with your spirit and life.
Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly
That our lives may only be a radiance of yours.
Shine through us and be so in us
That every soul we come in contact with
May feel your presence in our soul.
Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus.
Stay with us and then we shall begin to shine as you shine,
So to shine as to be light to others.
The light, O Jesus, will be all from you.
None of it will be ours.
It will be you shining on others through us.
Let us thus praise you in the way you love best
By shining on those around us.
Let us preach you without preaching,
Not by words, but by our example;
By the catching force-
The sympathetic influence of what we do,
The evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.
Amen
The Kalighat Home for the Destitute and Dying stands on the site of a temple dedicated to Kali, the Hindu goddess of death and destruction, in the midst of a city dedicated to that same goddess. Mother Teresa arrived in India in 1931, and began to help establish an incredible Roman Catholic presence in a country that had very little religiously in common with her church’s ideology. Nevertheless, Teresa began to do her work in the streets, in schools, in the sewage filled neighborhoods of Calcutta. Mother Teresa came to that city as a teacher, and in 1952 reclaimed the Kalighat Temple, and turned it into a haven for the poorest of the poor. She renamed it Nirmal Hriday (Pure Heart), and it was there that Mother Teresa began her life’s work and ministry. Helping poor Bengalis know that there was hope and care in a society that called them “untouchable”, Mother Teresa would walk up and down the aisles whispering to them in their native tongue that “God is here” and touch their foreheads with her small hands.
Now, i have some issues with the Catholic Church, and with overt proselyzation. But that discussion is for another day. The thing about this prayer and about this story that just leaves me in awe and amazement is that opening line-- Jesus, help us spread your fragrance all around. Think about that for a minute. Imagine being surrounded by death at every turn, surrounded by raw sewage when you step outside to get a breath of "fresh" air, and to still have the desire to pray for a new smell. What must Jesus smell like in that instance? I know that seems like a random question to ask, but really, what would you want to smell in the place of what was there. Smell is a powerful sense. It has the power to generate memories that are powerful in their intensity. Case in point--the smell of camay soap always reminds me of my great-grandmother's bathroom, and these funny little picture things she had hanging on the wall. The smell of coconut reminds me of the beach. The smell of gardenia reminds me of my mother. The smell of patcholi reminds me of the drag.
For me, were I to stand where Mother Teresa stood, Jesus would smell like several things. Jesus would like that moment between being asleep and awake, when you can almost smell breakfast, almost smell the fresh shampoo smell from last night's shower, almost smell the laundry sheet you dry your bed linens with. it's a smell that's almost nothing, but very definitely something. Almost overwhelming in its simplicity, but above all, comforting and so incredibly ordinary. Or maybe Jesus would smell like a wide open field after a good central texas rain, full of wild flowers--smelling sharply green, slightly sweet, and so clean you could eat off of it. Or maybe I'm reaching too far with this analogy, and have finally slipped into the sweet bliss of crazy. Who knows.
What I do know is that there are days when the sights, sounds, smells, and frenetic pace of life overwhelms each of us. I do know that there are days when we get so caught up in our own ambitions, intrigues, relationships, and disappointments that we forget the very basic necessity of breathing in and out. My yoga teacher (we hosted a class during let at the church) reminded us that breathing in and out is something we should concentrate on doing, that it's part of us loving ourselves. Prana is the Sanskrit word for "life-force", which is connected to breath, but is so much more than just breath. Our teacher told us to feel our prana when we breathed, to take time out every day to feel it, if only for a moment, that our breath and our bodies were alive. It's amazing how squaring back your shoulders and breathing all the way to your toes five or six times can change your entire attitude. And in opening up your lungs, in being mindful of the breaths we take, maybe, just maybe, we can smell Jesus. And maybe after we've done that, we can take that scent with us, and share it wherever we go.
mil besos--r
06 April 2005
i know, i know, i know
geeze, it's been a while. the office recently moved, and we've been without internet for a whole week. i felt like someone cut off my arms. it was awful. but we're back on line, and i feel much better.
let me tell you about the excitement in my life.
hot news item #1: sometime in either december or january, i will become a real-live official aunt. that's right, seth and monica are expecting. i am so freaking psyched about the impending arrival. it's going to be a long ass wait. i guess that will give me plenty of time to jockey for a god-parent spot, buy the kid lots of books and stock up on juicy fruit gum, which i think every aunt should have in her purse. i will also practice my skills on the baby nels, and hope i don't mess him up, either. yay.
hot news item #2: for those of you waiting with baited (live or dead?) breath on my D-Day decision, here's the jist... i'll totally be in austin for the forseeable future. what i'll be doing, that's the next big hurdle to cross. i can't say more than that at the moment, just know there are a ton of exciting opportunities presenting themselves. yay!!
hot news item #3: i found my first gray hair last week. there's no way it was anything but a gray hair. i know this because i pulled out a blonde hair and a brown hair to compare. this was all white and of a totally different texture than the rest of my hair. i pulled it out and threw it away. i thought about keeping it, and then changed my mind. it's not like keeping your first tooth...
hot news item #4: i finally got asked to a prom. i know, that's hard to believe, but when you date a younger man in high school, you are the one who does the asking. yeah, one of my freshmen boys asked me to got to his prom (he goes to a small high school, so their prom is open to everyone), but i'm pretty sure he was mostly joking. i got a big kick out of it, though. i did make sure and tell him that it was inappropriate, however. he said that he was renting a camoflage-patterned tuxedo, and if my professional ethics hadn't been enough to elicit a "no" from my very shocked and amazed lips, the thought of that tux would have done the trick. a camo tux-- what will they think up next?
hot news item #5-- i'm going to the beach with my junior high kids this weekend. yay beach, boo junior high hormones. i figured i will just threaten them with bodily harm and then ply them with sugary snacks to keep them in check. i'll let you know how that works out.
mil besos--r
let me tell you about the excitement in my life.
hot news item #1: sometime in either december or january, i will become a real-live official aunt. that's right, seth and monica are expecting. i am so freaking psyched about the impending arrival. it's going to be a long ass wait. i guess that will give me plenty of time to jockey for a god-parent spot, buy the kid lots of books and stock up on juicy fruit gum, which i think every aunt should have in her purse. i will also practice my skills on the baby nels, and hope i don't mess him up, either. yay.
hot news item #2: for those of you waiting with baited (live or dead?) breath on my D-Day decision, here's the jist... i'll totally be in austin for the forseeable future. what i'll be doing, that's the next big hurdle to cross. i can't say more than that at the moment, just know there are a ton of exciting opportunities presenting themselves. yay!!
hot news item #3: i found my first gray hair last week. there's no way it was anything but a gray hair. i know this because i pulled out a blonde hair and a brown hair to compare. this was all white and of a totally different texture than the rest of my hair. i pulled it out and threw it away. i thought about keeping it, and then changed my mind. it's not like keeping your first tooth...
hot news item #4: i finally got asked to a prom. i know, that's hard to believe, but when you date a younger man in high school, you are the one who does the asking. yeah, one of my freshmen boys asked me to got to his prom (he goes to a small high school, so their prom is open to everyone), but i'm pretty sure he was mostly joking. i got a big kick out of it, though. i did make sure and tell him that it was inappropriate, however. he said that he was renting a camoflage-patterned tuxedo, and if my professional ethics hadn't been enough to elicit a "no" from my very shocked and amazed lips, the thought of that tux would have done the trick. a camo tux-- what will they think up next?
hot news item #5-- i'm going to the beach with my junior high kids this weekend. yay beach, boo junior high hormones. i figured i will just threaten them with bodily harm and then ply them with sugary snacks to keep them in check. i'll let you know how that works out.
mil besos--r
24 March 2005
dave day
dave matthews is on my mp3 player-- live at luther college is such a great album. mad snaps to chase for letting me copy it onto my hard drive. just for the heck of it, i wore my pink boston hat today (ok, that's partially a lie, because i went to bed with wet hair last night, and it looks a little lumpy). the weather is clearing up, and i am going to listen to live music and hang out with my family tonight. life is good. oh, and a family of mourning doves has moved into the tree outside my bedroom window. they sang me to sleep two weeks ago, and it was a lovely thing.
you know, for the first time in a long time, i totally believe that everything is really going to be ok. regardless of any decision that gets made by me on April 1, everything is going to be ok. it's good to know that in my bones, again. mary's baby daddy (that's God, in case you were confused) and i had a long talk last night, which consisted mostly of me listening, and God listening. mother teresa said that was how she prayed, and i figure if it's good enough for her, i ought to at least give it a try.
easter is sunday. finally. this has been the longest lent ever, and i didn't even really give anything up. i added a couple of things, and tried to be mindful of a couple of things that needed attention, but this season has still just eaten my lunch. eaten it, threw it back up into my lunchbox, and hit me in the head with said lunchbox. sorry for the graphic discription, but seriously, as ted said in bill and ted's excellent adventure, "stange things are afoot at the circle k".
on an interesting side note, the divine ms. e and jax and i all had a very interesting conversation last night re: why europeans can get away with anything from having outrageously heinous body odor to smoking to using the metric system with reckless abandon simply based upon the fact that they are european. it's like the ultimate get out of jail free card for any faux pax you may make in American society (although they( the euros) would probably argue that we don't really have our own legit society, anyway). keep in mind, this only adds to my admiration of all things european (except for the b.o. part), i heart the euros and their quirky ways.
funny what you end up discussing on random wednesday nights, no?
jimi thing is on the radio, now, so i am going to chair dance and then get back to work.
happy easter. jesus loves you.
mil besos-r
you know, for the first time in a long time, i totally believe that everything is really going to be ok. regardless of any decision that gets made by me on April 1, everything is going to be ok. it's good to know that in my bones, again. mary's baby daddy (that's God, in case you were confused) and i had a long talk last night, which consisted mostly of me listening, and God listening. mother teresa said that was how she prayed, and i figure if it's good enough for her, i ought to at least give it a try.
easter is sunday. finally. this has been the longest lent ever, and i didn't even really give anything up. i added a couple of things, and tried to be mindful of a couple of things that needed attention, but this season has still just eaten my lunch. eaten it, threw it back up into my lunchbox, and hit me in the head with said lunchbox. sorry for the graphic discription, but seriously, as ted said in bill and ted's excellent adventure, "stange things are afoot at the circle k".
on an interesting side note, the divine ms. e and jax and i all had a very interesting conversation last night re: why europeans can get away with anything from having outrageously heinous body odor to smoking to using the metric system with reckless abandon simply based upon the fact that they are european. it's like the ultimate get out of jail free card for any faux pax you may make in American society (although they( the euros) would probably argue that we don't really have our own legit society, anyway). keep in mind, this only adds to my admiration of all things european (except for the b.o. part), i heart the euros and their quirky ways.
funny what you end up discussing on random wednesday nights, no?
jimi thing is on the radio, now, so i am going to chair dance and then get back to work.
happy easter. jesus loves you.
mil besos-r
21 March 2005
catching up
ok, sorry for the delay in game. i was a tad on the busy side last week, and am just now sitting down to go through emails and phone messages. blah. and next week, we get to move offices again. yeah, that's right. the week after easter, the church offices are moving across the street, again. i'd hate for you to think that i'm irritated by that. irritation is such a minor word to me, at the moment. i know, all i do is gripe and whine. i promise, after my beach trip(s), a) all will be revealed, and b) i will be in an exponentially better mood.
as of today, i am setting april 1st (yeah, i know it's april fools' day, but it's also baby austin's b-day) as my very own D Day. that's Decision Day, for those of you who may assign a different word to the letter D. like Dumb, or Dover, or Dipstick... but i digress.
ok, so camping trip. what a mess. i was shivering cold for almost 36 consecutive hours. i kept thinking about how excited i was about getting back to my warm little apartment and cranking the heater way up, taking a bath, and having an actual flush toilet, and was reminded that there are people who have not been warm in months, who have not had a bath in months, and who have to go to the bathroom in the streets where they sleep. sharing a little of their discomfort make me more aware of the blessings in my life, and a little more aware of their own humanity.
in other news, i had a 12 hour work day yesterday. i was very glad to get home, and not have to threaten to beat children. seriously. i do love them, but i don't understand why they can't sit still in church for 5 minutes. granted, i was even having a hard time sitting still by the end of things, but seriously. i guess it all relates back to a conversation i had with my dear mother on friday night-- most of the problems i have with society right now, including governmental issues, issues of politeness, issues of personal freedom, issues of political correctness, etc, all freaking boil down to parenting. if you'd like to hear more about that, lemme know, and i'll give you all you can stand. basically it boils down to the fact that i think it's a dirty rotten shame that parents make any effort to be friends with their children while they are still in the process of raising them. being friends with your children is a luxury you should not allow yourself until they are adults--for lots of reasons, but the biggest one being that they have no sense of how or why to respect authority because you've muddied the waters by being friends with them in the first place. arrggg!! i could go on and on, but i won't.
if you have the opportunity and the means, i have two must have suggestions for your springtime enjoyment, as well as a couple of just fun items to pick up.
one-- you must RUN, don't walk, and pick up the Ray Lamontagne cd "Trouble". i put it in my cd player in late january, and i haven't taken it out. it's that good. seriously. that skinny kid from maine can WAIL.
two-- you must RUN, don't walk, and pick up a book called "Mutant Message Down Under". holy crap, what a great book. i read it in like three sittings. it's amazing and wonderful. that's all i can say.
three-- (not a must have, but a cool thing) the scissor sisters' debut album is a hoot to listen to. track two is my favorite. and the bright eyes cd called "i'm wide awake, it's morning" is a good pick, as well. tracks 1, 2, and 6 are wonderful.
four-- call me next week after baby nel's mom and i make some fun candy. you will want some of this, trust me.
suffice it to say that all things shall be well (they have to be, because Dame Julian said so).
mil besos--r
as of today, i am setting april 1st (yeah, i know it's april fools' day, but it's also baby austin's b-day) as my very own D Day. that's Decision Day, for those of you who may assign a different word to the letter D. like Dumb, or Dover, or Dipstick... but i digress.
ok, so camping trip. what a mess. i was shivering cold for almost 36 consecutive hours. i kept thinking about how excited i was about getting back to my warm little apartment and cranking the heater way up, taking a bath, and having an actual flush toilet, and was reminded that there are people who have not been warm in months, who have not had a bath in months, and who have to go to the bathroom in the streets where they sleep. sharing a little of their discomfort make me more aware of the blessings in my life, and a little more aware of their own humanity.
in other news, i had a 12 hour work day yesterday. i was very glad to get home, and not have to threaten to beat children. seriously. i do love them, but i don't understand why they can't sit still in church for 5 minutes. granted, i was even having a hard time sitting still by the end of things, but seriously. i guess it all relates back to a conversation i had with my dear mother on friday night-- most of the problems i have with society right now, including governmental issues, issues of politeness, issues of personal freedom, issues of political correctness, etc, all freaking boil down to parenting. if you'd like to hear more about that, lemme know, and i'll give you all you can stand. basically it boils down to the fact that i think it's a dirty rotten shame that parents make any effort to be friends with their children while they are still in the process of raising them. being friends with your children is a luxury you should not allow yourself until they are adults--for lots of reasons, but the biggest one being that they have no sense of how or why to respect authority because you've muddied the waters by being friends with them in the first place. arrggg!! i could go on and on, but i won't.
if you have the opportunity and the means, i have two must have suggestions for your springtime enjoyment, as well as a couple of just fun items to pick up.
one-- you must RUN, don't walk, and pick up the Ray Lamontagne cd "Trouble". i put it in my cd player in late january, and i haven't taken it out. it's that good. seriously. that skinny kid from maine can WAIL.
two-- you must RUN, don't walk, and pick up a book called "Mutant Message Down Under". holy crap, what a great book. i read it in like three sittings. it's amazing and wonderful. that's all i can say.
three-- (not a must have, but a cool thing) the scissor sisters' debut album is a hoot to listen to. track two is my favorite. and the bright eyes cd called "i'm wide awake, it's morning" is a good pick, as well. tracks 1, 2, and 6 are wonderful.
four-- call me next week after baby nel's mom and i make some fun candy. you will want some of this, trust me.
suffice it to say that all things shall be well (they have to be, because Dame Julian said so).
mil besos--r
10 March 2005
and another thing...
ok, so since i can't really rant about what i truly want to rant about, i'll gripe and whine about something totally insignificant in the grand scheme of things. i still think this little item is adding to the downfall of western civilization as we know it, but i'll let you, my adoring public, make your own decision... after i've told you what i think, of course.
baseball is God's favorite sport, and since i love God, it's my favorite sport (next to shopping), too. although, i'm pretty sure if those boys don't quit juicing, the Big Umpire in the Sky might send down some of what we like to call wrath... as a result, i have several opinions about the game. the thing about expansion teams is just a glimpse into it...
the designated hitter rule is one of the things i despise in life. i don't mean that i'm just generally irritated by it, like how i'm generally irritated by the fact that everytime i go out, i invariably walk by at least one person covering up their oniony b.o. by having steeped themselves in patchouli oil like some kind of hippie teabag. don't get me wrong--i like patchouli, but seriously people, do you have to make my eyes water on two counts? just take a bath. no, no, i find the dh rule personally offensive, the way i find it personally offensive when someone uses the word "your" when "you're" is the correct word. it bothers me on a very deep and fundamental level that almost defies words-- in fact, it bothers me in a way that damn near transcends all rational emotion. yeah, that's bad.
one of my male friends, who disagrees with me over the rules of the universe and how they govern the realness of sports teams (there's no accounting for taste...), has this to say about the DH rule: " Designated hitters suck. The rule allows overweight, defensive-deficient losers to make millions of dollars." i agree with him. the whole principle of the designated hitter is anathema to any true baseball fan. i'm real sorry if you disagree, but you're just plain wrong.
there is nothing ok about having one person on the team do nothing but hit (even though i realize that other important activities take up a lot of time in a game, spitting and scratching DO NOT count as multitasking in this situation). everyone else has to do something besides hit but the DH, and don't even get me started on pitchers. what a bunch of high-priced cry babies. and in a World Series, the DH doesn't even play in (some cases) half of it. they should get like a world series drop pendant, instead of a ring, or they should have to have a time share with the weenie-poo pitchers.
yeah, that's right, i said it. and tomorrow, i may just write something about why i think it's stupid to have salary caps for teachers at like 50k, or 40k, or even 35k in some school districts, but we as a society have no problem at all setting a salary cap of millions of dollars for a bunch of people who run around in tight pants and play games where you hit and chase things.
good night, my lovelies. i'm off to another meeting...
mil besos-rachel
baseball is God's favorite sport, and since i love God, it's my favorite sport (next to shopping), too. although, i'm pretty sure if those boys don't quit juicing, the Big Umpire in the Sky might send down some of what we like to call wrath... as a result, i have several opinions about the game. the thing about expansion teams is just a glimpse into it...
the designated hitter rule is one of the things i despise in life. i don't mean that i'm just generally irritated by it, like how i'm generally irritated by the fact that everytime i go out, i invariably walk by at least one person covering up their oniony b.o. by having steeped themselves in patchouli oil like some kind of hippie teabag. don't get me wrong--i like patchouli, but seriously people, do you have to make my eyes water on two counts? just take a bath. no, no, i find the dh rule personally offensive, the way i find it personally offensive when someone uses the word "your" when "you're" is the correct word. it bothers me on a very deep and fundamental level that almost defies words-- in fact, it bothers me in a way that damn near transcends all rational emotion. yeah, that's bad.
one of my male friends, who disagrees with me over the rules of the universe and how they govern the realness of sports teams (there's no accounting for taste...), has this to say about the DH rule: " Designated hitters suck. The rule allows overweight, defensive-deficient losers to make millions of dollars." i agree with him. the whole principle of the designated hitter is anathema to any true baseball fan. i'm real sorry if you disagree, but you're just plain wrong.
there is nothing ok about having one person on the team do nothing but hit (even though i realize that other important activities take up a lot of time in a game, spitting and scratching DO NOT count as multitasking in this situation). everyone else has to do something besides hit but the DH, and don't even get me started on pitchers. what a bunch of high-priced cry babies. and in a World Series, the DH doesn't even play in (some cases) half of it. they should get like a world series drop pendant, instead of a ring, or they should have to have a time share with the weenie-poo pitchers.
yeah, that's right, i said it. and tomorrow, i may just write something about why i think it's stupid to have salary caps for teachers at like 50k, or 40k, or even 35k in some school districts, but we as a society have no problem at all setting a salary cap of millions of dollars for a bunch of people who run around in tight pants and play games where you hit and chase things.
good night, my lovelies. i'm off to another meeting...
mil besos-rachel
09 March 2005
the rules of the universe
ok, i've tried to explain this to two of my male friends, and they just can't seem to get their heads around this concept. let me just preface this explanation by saying that these rules are very important. in fact, they may be the only thing that keeps the space/time contiuum in tact. they are not to be questioned, just to be accepted and obeyed.
there are two kinds of sports teams: real teams and expansion teams. real teams come into being when either a major league of something (football, baseball, basketball, soccer, etc.) is formed, or when a collegiate conference is formed (like the ACC, etc.) all teams that are considered charter members of those entities are deemed real. you can cheer for them, buy their merchandise, go to their games, even proclaim yourself a fanatic. they are the only ones who can legitimately win a title. for instance, big snaps to the diamondbacks for winning that world series title two years ago, but it wasn't real. they are an expansion team. that's the rule.
additionally, a team that began as a founding member can loose it's status as a founding member if it leaves the conference for another, or departs for another city. for example-- the brooklyn dodgers were a real team, but the los angels dodgers are not. likewise, the houston oilers were a real team, but the houston texans are not.
you can also gain or loose status by your rate of suckage. for instance, the dallas cowboys are in danger of becoming a fake team because they suck so badly. conversely, because they have sucked since almost time out of mind, the redskins will always be real. cleveland, although it sucks as well, is not a real team because it left and came back. that's worse than just leaving. plus, they loose points for having a color as their mascot and for having ugly uniforms. like i said, these are the rules. our job is to just accept them.
a team may also gain real status by procuring a dynasty-- like if san antonio were to win the nba title again this year, they would become real. kind of like the veleveteen rabbit. for instance: chicago became a real team because they won four straight titles in a row in basketball. you have to be really really loved and really really awesome to become real. it also helps if there is scarlett fever or cholera involved.
let me further illustrate the point:
the dodgers aren't a real team-- they are an expansion team. you can still like them. it's lame, but you can still like them. however, if they were to play in a world weries against the yankees or the sox (Red, not White, because the White Sox lost their realness when they let Shoeless Joe take the fall), you'd be obligated to cheer for the real team (i.e. the Yanks, even though that would be like drinking turpentine and peeing on a brushfire, as far as i'm concerned). why aren't the real anymore? because no one leaves new york, ever. and certainly no one ever leaves Ebbetts Field, a cathedral of baseball, for the lameness of Los Angeles. It's worse than saying bad things about one's mother. You know what they did to Ebbetts Field? They tore it down. There's probably a 7-11 or a Dunkin'Donuts there, now. Shameful.
it sucks, but it's the law.
--rachel
there are two kinds of sports teams: real teams and expansion teams. real teams come into being when either a major league of something (football, baseball, basketball, soccer, etc.) is formed, or when a collegiate conference is formed (like the ACC, etc.) all teams that are considered charter members of those entities are deemed real. you can cheer for them, buy their merchandise, go to their games, even proclaim yourself a fanatic. they are the only ones who can legitimately win a title. for instance, big snaps to the diamondbacks for winning that world series title two years ago, but it wasn't real. they are an expansion team. that's the rule.
additionally, a team that began as a founding member can loose it's status as a founding member if it leaves the conference for another, or departs for another city. for example-- the brooklyn dodgers were a real team, but the los angels dodgers are not. likewise, the houston oilers were a real team, but the houston texans are not.
you can also gain or loose status by your rate of suckage. for instance, the dallas cowboys are in danger of becoming a fake team because they suck so badly. conversely, because they have sucked since almost time out of mind, the redskins will always be real. cleveland, although it sucks as well, is not a real team because it left and came back. that's worse than just leaving. plus, they loose points for having a color as their mascot and for having ugly uniforms. like i said, these are the rules. our job is to just accept them.
a team may also gain real status by procuring a dynasty-- like if san antonio were to win the nba title again this year, they would become real. kind of like the veleveteen rabbit. for instance: chicago became a real team because they won four straight titles in a row in basketball. you have to be really really loved and really really awesome to become real. it also helps if there is scarlett fever or cholera involved.
let me further illustrate the point:
the dodgers aren't a real team-- they are an expansion team. you can still like them. it's lame, but you can still like them. however, if they were to play in a world weries against the yankees or the sox (Red, not White, because the White Sox lost their realness when they let Shoeless Joe take the fall), you'd be obligated to cheer for the real team (i.e. the Yanks, even though that would be like drinking turpentine and peeing on a brushfire, as far as i'm concerned). why aren't the real anymore? because no one leaves new york, ever. and certainly no one ever leaves Ebbetts Field, a cathedral of baseball, for the lameness of Los Angeles. It's worse than saying bad things about one's mother. You know what they did to Ebbetts Field? They tore it down. There's probably a 7-11 or a Dunkin'Donuts there, now. Shameful.
it sucks, but it's the law.
--rachel
08 March 2005
tuesday
i remember last night having some profound thought and thinking-- wow, i should totally blog about that tomorrow. for the life of me, i can't remember what that thought was. so now, all you get to hear about is how i wish there were a margarita machine in the work room. and a deck of the back of the work room. i would be on the deck, well on my way to a buzz by now. this has been the longest day. i swear, seriously. i didn't even get here until 10:15, and it still feels like i've been here since i was like 12. we even had cake in staff meeting. you'd think that would have pacified me a little bit. no, no, all it did was give me a big sugar rush, followed closely by a carb coma. damn that cake.
i have nothing especially exciting to report. baby nels (who i personally think bears some resemblance to winston churchill (but what baby doesn't, really?)) lost his bellybutton stump last night. i was kind of grossed out, but it was sort of nice to be there for that momentous event. his father, mr. nels, said that it looked like there was peanut butter in his bellybutton hole. that grossed mrs. nels and i out a little bit.
other than that, nothing remarkable to report. i'll keep you posted.
see on the flippy...
mil besos--r
i have nothing especially exciting to report. baby nels (who i personally think bears some resemblance to winston churchill (but what baby doesn't, really?)) lost his bellybutton stump last night. i was kind of grossed out, but it was sort of nice to be there for that momentous event. his father, mr. nels, said that it looked like there was peanut butter in his bellybutton hole. that grossed mrs. nels and i out a little bit.
other than that, nothing remarkable to report. i'll keep you posted.
see on the flippy...
mil besos--r
01 March 2005
you, you with the chair, quit the dancing!!!
it's almost spring. i am so greatful for that. i don't care what anyone says, i don't think april is the cruelest month, at all. i think it's going to be a lovely spring, all drama and blahness aside.
in other news, i am so bored at work today that i might just curl up and die. i have a ton of bible study stuff that i should be writing, phone calls i should be making, plans i should be firming up or cancelling, and soem stuff to put in the mail. so i will likely focus on that this afternoon, after staff meeting. which is about as much fun as a staph infection. no, seriously. i'm not kidding. it's so hard to sit through these meetings, especially now. gross. so to keep myself somewhat sane and happy, i have been listening to my favorite jams on the old mp3 player, and chair dancing. have to be careful with that today, since it's a skirt day.
i forgot to mention that when i was driving back from new orleans last weekend, there was a stretch of road between baton rouge and lafayette that had just been re-striped. whoever was painting those stripes must have stopped at the drive-thru daquiri place, because they a) weren't even in the middle of the road, and b) wobbled at the beginning and end of each stripe. it was kind of funny to see, and wonder what the guy or gal who painted those stripes must have been thinking about while they were painting. what a weirdo.
oh, i need to pay bills, since i got paid yesterday. (yay, payday!!) i am doing my best to be a good american by putting the bulk of my funds back into recirculation as soon as possible. yay capitalism. whoo hooo.
sorry for the boring post. it's a tuesday, what can i say?
mil besos--rachel
in other news, i am so bored at work today that i might just curl up and die. i have a ton of bible study stuff that i should be writing, phone calls i should be making, plans i should be firming up or cancelling, and soem stuff to put in the mail. so i will likely focus on that this afternoon, after staff meeting. which is about as much fun as a staph infection. no, seriously. i'm not kidding. it's so hard to sit through these meetings, especially now. gross. so to keep myself somewhat sane and happy, i have been listening to my favorite jams on the old mp3 player, and chair dancing. have to be careful with that today, since it's a skirt day.
i forgot to mention that when i was driving back from new orleans last weekend, there was a stretch of road between baton rouge and lafayette that had just been re-striped. whoever was painting those stripes must have stopped at the drive-thru daquiri place, because they a) weren't even in the middle of the road, and b) wobbled at the beginning and end of each stripe. it was kind of funny to see, and wonder what the guy or gal who painted those stripes must have been thinking about while they were painting. what a weirdo.
oh, i need to pay bills, since i got paid yesterday. (yay, payday!!) i am doing my best to be a good american by putting the bulk of my funds back into recirculation as soon as possible. yay capitalism. whoo hooo.
sorry for the boring post. it's a tuesday, what can i say?
mil besos--rachel
24 February 2005
kite song, and other nice things
there are a few things lately that have been helping me cling to sanity... here's the list, in no particular order:
flip-flop weather
car trips
cokes in glass bottles
phone calls from people who make me laugh
emails from people who make me laugh
Grace and Peace
Jesus
that clean baby smell
burping teenagers
good mix cd's that never seem to get old
early mandatory bedtime
and this song:
The Sunday after there was laughter in the air
Everybody had a kite
They were flying everywhere
And all the trouble went away
And it wasn't just a dream
All the trouble went away
And it wasn't just a dream
In the middle of the night
We try and try with all our mights
To light a little light down here
In the middle of the night
We dream of a million kites
Flying high above
The sadness and the fear
Little sister just remember
As you wander through the blue
The little kite that you sent flying
On a sunny afternoon
Made of something light as nothing
Made of joy that matters too
How the little dreams we dream
Are all we can really do
In the middle of the night
The world turns with all of it's might
A little diamond colored blue
In the middle of the night
We keep sending little kites
Until a little light gets through--patty griffin
i'm hanging in there, formulating a plan, and getting ready for the next thing. st. julian of norwich said it best, "all things shall be well, all things shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
--rmg
flip-flop weather
car trips
cokes in glass bottles
phone calls from people who make me laugh
emails from people who make me laugh
Grace and Peace
Jesus
that clean baby smell
burping teenagers
good mix cd's that never seem to get old
early mandatory bedtime
and this song:
The Sunday after there was laughter in the air
Everybody had a kite
They were flying everywhere
And all the trouble went away
And it wasn't just a dream
All the trouble went away
And it wasn't just a dream
In the middle of the night
We try and try with all our mights
To light a little light down here
In the middle of the night
We dream of a million kites
Flying high above
The sadness and the fear
Little sister just remember
As you wander through the blue
The little kite that you sent flying
On a sunny afternoon
Made of something light as nothing
Made of joy that matters too
How the little dreams we dream
Are all we can really do
In the middle of the night
The world turns with all of it's might
A little diamond colored blue
In the middle of the night
We keep sending little kites
Until a little light gets through--patty griffin
i'm hanging in there, formulating a plan, and getting ready for the next thing. st. julian of norwich said it best, "all things shall be well, all things shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
--rmg
22 February 2005
peace in the middle
i read somewhere once that peace is not being in a place where there is no conflict, no disturbances, no disappointment. peace is being in the midst of those things, and knowing in your heart that everything, regardless of what happens, is going to be ok.
these pictures remind me of that. two are of churches in manhattan, the busiest slice of civilization i've ever seen. the bottom one is trinity church, which was a haven for people fleeing the distruction of 9/11. it's spire used to be the highest point in new york city. as you can see from the picture, that is no longer true. but it is beautiful, nonetheless.
the next picture is of st. patrick's cathedral in mid-town manhattan. it's very famous for lots of reasons. i like it because it's old, has tons of historic significance, and has beautiful artwork in it. i have been in a lot of churches, but this is one of my all time favorites. it's quiet, and cool, and wonderful. and the neighborhood around it just seems so serene.
the candles are votives that were lit at one of the side altars at st. patrick's. i can't remember which altar, but since i lit one of them, my bet is that they were in the chapel of our lady of guadalupe. mine is the one in the middle. this is not the best photo i've ever taken, but it's one of my faves.
i'm going to see if i can find a pic of el santuario de chimayo that i took a couple of years ago to post. we'll see. in the mean time, i'm praying for some peace in my heart as i go to a vestry meeting, wherein The Budget will be discussed. oy and vey. i think Jesus wants more money in the youth budget...
big love--rachel
these pictures remind me of that. two are of churches in manhattan, the busiest slice of civilization i've ever seen. the bottom one is trinity church, which was a haven for people fleeing the distruction of 9/11. it's spire used to be the highest point in new york city. as you can see from the picture, that is no longer true. but it is beautiful, nonetheless.
the next picture is of st. patrick's cathedral in mid-town manhattan. it's very famous for lots of reasons. i like it because it's old, has tons of historic significance, and has beautiful artwork in it. i have been in a lot of churches, but this is one of my all time favorites. it's quiet, and cool, and wonderful. and the neighborhood around it just seems so serene.
the candles are votives that were lit at one of the side altars at st. patrick's. i can't remember which altar, but since i lit one of them, my bet is that they were in the chapel of our lady of guadalupe. mine is the one in the middle. this is not the best photo i've ever taken, but it's one of my faves.
i'm going to see if i can find a pic of el santuario de chimayo that i took a couple of years ago to post. we'll see. in the mean time, i'm praying for some peace in my heart as i go to a vestry meeting, wherein The Budget will be discussed. oy and vey. i think Jesus wants more money in the youth budget...
big love--rachel
16 February 2005
hunger pangs
it seems like lately there has been a lot of drama in my life. i don't mean like your garden variety drama, either. we're talking full-on melrose place-esqe drama. work stuff, life stuff, just lots of stuff. people have been breaking up, getting engaged, and every permutation inbetween. a couple of people have even been written off as sorry pieces of crap, and i think we all know that it takes me a long time to get to that point with anyone. as an aside, if you are reading this, and believe yourself to be someone who's been written off, it's probably not you. but you should definately send me something nice, just to make sure.
you are never hungry for humble pie. but God help you from passing that plate when it comes your way. the best thing you can do is just choke the bite, or in my case, the whole freaking pie, down all the way to your toes, praying to heaven that you can just keep it down long enough to learn your lesson. there are days when we take ourselves way too seriously, and days when we don't take ourselves nearly seriously enough. lately, i've been trying not to take myself at all. things have been so muddy, i've just been trying to step back and out, to try and get some kind of a bird's eye view of things. to be honest, i think i'm way too mired in multiple messes to really have any perspective other than my own.
and right now, that perspective is fairly healthy, if not brutally honest, i think. i mean, in matters personal, i have been as honest as i've ever been. and while that got my heart ever so slightly broken, at least now i know that those parts of my heart and mind still work the way they are supposed to. i still have no regrets. not any real ones, at least. the good news-- i know that in six months, this will be a very tiny dip in the alpha waves of my life. the bad news-- it sucks real bad right now. i'm listening to a lot of aretha franklin right now, drinking a lot of diet coke, and blogging like a crazy woman.
in matters professional, i have been honest and aboveboard. i have tried to do the right thing, and for all intents and purposes, that mess is out of my hands. i'm just trying to get through everyday in this forsaken place with some semblance of grace and integrity in tact. and it gets harder every day-- i just keep hanging on because being with my cherubs is one of the things i know i am really good at in this life.
i know that this mess can't last forever. i know that i have done what i can do to make things right. and i know that i have followed "the chain of command" the right way. as for any kind of resolution or denoument, i have to trust that other people will do the right thing. and that is so freaking hard right now, because right now, for all my talk of love and peace and believing in the goodness of humanity, i just don't trust people to make good decisions right now, at least where my well-being (emotionally, professionally, etc) are concerned. and yes, i know that's to do with my control issue(s). i'm working on it, ok?
so, back to the humble pie analogy... humble pie comes to you when you're already full. full of yourself, full of the world, full of everything. humble pie is like an emotional emetic. you have to cram it down your throat and let it sit and fester, and kick everything else out. humble pie leaves you feeling hungry for purpose, just purpose. humble pie leaves you with the bitter taste of your own pride in the back of your mouth, because that's what it makes you vomit up. pride is a fearful thing.
when we are prideful, we are the strongest, loveliest, weakest, happiest, saddest, honest, and decietful bastards ever to roam the earth. humility, true humility, is the greatest gift we can possess. when we are humble, we are honest about our strengths, our weaknesses, our loves and our deciet. when we are humble, we are more able to own our feelings and our actions. being humble dosen't mean moaning and wailing about how sad and empty and pathetic we are, because it's easy to be proud about what a worthless sack of shit you may or may not be, as well. being humble means being a realist-- there are days when we just don't get it, period. we don't get how to be loved, or how to love in return. being humble means admitting that. and that is the hardest admission we ever make. my friend evan reminded me this weekend that the longest distance any of us ever travels is the 18 inches between our brains and our hearts. very interesting, don't you think?
humble pie is my least favorite dish, ever. and i feel like i've just had to eat about a million pounds of it. blah. sometimes we need the pie because we've lost touch with reality, or because we're choking on our own sense of self, for good or ill. and sometimes, sometimes it's just freaking time for pie and that's when the waitress of the universe just hands over a big chunk, a giant plastic spork, and a glass of skim milk and stands over you, snapping her gum and smoking a 120, and yelling at you in the flo voice from "mel's diner"-- "eat the g.d. pie, sweetheart, 'cause we ain't got all day, and someone else needs that booth."
in the finaly analysis, i guess who ever said that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger was mostly right. i mean, the tough stuff won't kill you totally off, and some of what dies and goes away is separating wheat from the chaff. but in the meantime, it kind of sucks to find out if you're getting stronger, or just dying off. gross, i hate that.
but you know, in spite of all of the mess, all the pie, all the drama, i still have this bizarre sense of hope everytime i think about things. i still wake up everyday, hoping that people (yes, even me sometimes) will pull their respective heads from their behinds and be real people. i still wake up everyday, ready for new challenges, excited to see what the day holds. i still love people and their messes. i still believe that people will do the right thing, 9 times out of 10. i know that God loves me, and that none of this is God's fault. that 10th time that people don't choose the right thing is a real dozy... and the universe can keep it's freaking pie.
mil besos--rachel
you are never hungry for humble pie. but God help you from passing that plate when it comes your way. the best thing you can do is just choke the bite, or in my case, the whole freaking pie, down all the way to your toes, praying to heaven that you can just keep it down long enough to learn your lesson. there are days when we take ourselves way too seriously, and days when we don't take ourselves nearly seriously enough. lately, i've been trying not to take myself at all. things have been so muddy, i've just been trying to step back and out, to try and get some kind of a bird's eye view of things. to be honest, i think i'm way too mired in multiple messes to really have any perspective other than my own.
and right now, that perspective is fairly healthy, if not brutally honest, i think. i mean, in matters personal, i have been as honest as i've ever been. and while that got my heart ever so slightly broken, at least now i know that those parts of my heart and mind still work the way they are supposed to. i still have no regrets. not any real ones, at least. the good news-- i know that in six months, this will be a very tiny dip in the alpha waves of my life. the bad news-- it sucks real bad right now. i'm listening to a lot of aretha franklin right now, drinking a lot of diet coke, and blogging like a crazy woman.
in matters professional, i have been honest and aboveboard. i have tried to do the right thing, and for all intents and purposes, that mess is out of my hands. i'm just trying to get through everyday in this forsaken place with some semblance of grace and integrity in tact. and it gets harder every day-- i just keep hanging on because being with my cherubs is one of the things i know i am really good at in this life.
i know that this mess can't last forever. i know that i have done what i can do to make things right. and i know that i have followed "the chain of command" the right way. as for any kind of resolution or denoument, i have to trust that other people will do the right thing. and that is so freaking hard right now, because right now, for all my talk of love and peace and believing in the goodness of humanity, i just don't trust people to make good decisions right now, at least where my well-being (emotionally, professionally, etc) are concerned. and yes, i know that's to do with my control issue(s). i'm working on it, ok?
so, back to the humble pie analogy... humble pie comes to you when you're already full. full of yourself, full of the world, full of everything. humble pie is like an emotional emetic. you have to cram it down your throat and let it sit and fester, and kick everything else out. humble pie leaves you feeling hungry for purpose, just purpose. humble pie leaves you with the bitter taste of your own pride in the back of your mouth, because that's what it makes you vomit up. pride is a fearful thing.
when we are prideful, we are the strongest, loveliest, weakest, happiest, saddest, honest, and decietful bastards ever to roam the earth. humility, true humility, is the greatest gift we can possess. when we are humble, we are honest about our strengths, our weaknesses, our loves and our deciet. when we are humble, we are more able to own our feelings and our actions. being humble dosen't mean moaning and wailing about how sad and empty and pathetic we are, because it's easy to be proud about what a worthless sack of shit you may or may not be, as well. being humble means being a realist-- there are days when we just don't get it, period. we don't get how to be loved, or how to love in return. being humble means admitting that. and that is the hardest admission we ever make. my friend evan reminded me this weekend that the longest distance any of us ever travels is the 18 inches between our brains and our hearts. very interesting, don't you think?
humble pie is my least favorite dish, ever. and i feel like i've just had to eat about a million pounds of it. blah. sometimes we need the pie because we've lost touch with reality, or because we're choking on our own sense of self, for good or ill. and sometimes, sometimes it's just freaking time for pie and that's when the waitress of the universe just hands over a big chunk, a giant plastic spork, and a glass of skim milk and stands over you, snapping her gum and smoking a 120, and yelling at you in the flo voice from "mel's diner"-- "eat the g.d. pie, sweetheart, 'cause we ain't got all day, and someone else needs that booth."
in the finaly analysis, i guess who ever said that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger was mostly right. i mean, the tough stuff won't kill you totally off, and some of what dies and goes away is separating wheat from the chaff. but in the meantime, it kind of sucks to find out if you're getting stronger, or just dying off. gross, i hate that.
but you know, in spite of all of the mess, all the pie, all the drama, i still have this bizarre sense of hope everytime i think about things. i still wake up everyday, hoping that people (yes, even me sometimes) will pull their respective heads from their behinds and be real people. i still wake up everyday, ready for new challenges, excited to see what the day holds. i still love people and their messes. i still believe that people will do the right thing, 9 times out of 10. i know that God loves me, and that none of this is God's fault. that 10th time that people don't choose the right thing is a real dozy... and the universe can keep it's freaking pie.
mil besos--rachel
14 February 2005
happy sts. cyril and methodius day!
ha ha, betchu thought i was going to use the three words most disliked by bitter single people everywhere: happy valentine's day. gotcha. no, cyril and methodius were brothers, one was a monk, the other was a bishop. both helped to write down the language of the slavic people in an alphabet (cyrilic, anyone?) and taught the gospel in the native tongue of the people whom they were evangelizing. very cool, no?
as for the other important part to this day:
did you know that during roman times, feb. 14th was the day when birds supposedly paired up for the spring mating season?
the feast of the lupercalia began on this day, as well. remember that from "julius ceasar"?
everyday is special if you fill it with love. and yes, chocolates and candy hearts, big balloons and stupid stuffed plush whatevers are nice to get. it's nice to set certain days apart. but love and the people in your life who give it and recieve it are the better than the mess and drama that can go with making the perfect dinner reservation, or sending the best bouquet of flowers, etc.
end of rant.
mil besos--rachel
as for the other important part to this day:
did you know that during roman times, feb. 14th was the day when birds supposedly paired up for the spring mating season?
the feast of the lupercalia began on this day, as well. remember that from "julius ceasar"?
everyday is special if you fill it with love. and yes, chocolates and candy hearts, big balloons and stupid stuffed plush whatevers are nice to get. it's nice to set certain days apart. but love and the people in your life who give it and recieve it are the better than the mess and drama that can go with making the perfect dinner reservation, or sending the best bouquet of flowers, etc.
end of rant.
mil besos--rachel
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