well, it's that frequently forgotten holiday that gets sandwiched in between the sugar orgy that is halloween and the turkey--gobbling binge that is thanksgiving. it's all saints' day today-- incidentally one of my very favorite of all church holidays. it's a good time to remember those who have gone before us, and to be thankful for their influence in our lives. it's a nice day, without being all sad and droopy. except that the weather today, combined with my allergies is making me a little droopy, nonetheless.
you know, there are a thousand ways a person can die. and i don't mean just die like cease to respire. sometimes people die out of our lives through no fault of their own-- people grow away from each other; not every relationship has the shel-life of a twinkee. sometimes people move away, and distance proves too wide to cross. sometimes people turn into other things, and we realize that things are not what they were, things will not be better, and it's just time to cash out and cut our losses. and yes, sadly, sometimes people just really do die. but being sad about any of those things for very long is just as bad as not being sad at all.
case in point-- there was a girl (that's me), who once upon a time loved a young man very much (that's him). and the girl and the boy were very good friends, and sometimes were other things. and there was much phone calling, and letter writing, and email sending, and present giving, and votes were cast, and stars were read, and prayers were prayed, and futures were discussed. and one day, the girl and the young man woke up to find that both of their worlds and views had very much changed, and that nothing they thought they had in common was really in common any more, except for the fact that they kind of knew some of the same people, and were in a lot of photographs together. but the things that had kept them up for hours talking and sharing now just kept them up for hours arguing and trying to score points. and so they became ghosts to each other.
would you believe that last week i walked right by that ghost? and i was greatful. greatful for what i've learned, for what i've seen. i was greatful that i've learned to stand on my own two feet, and that i'm not scared any more that someone might leave if i say or do or believe the wrong thing. it's good to not be scared anymore. sometimes the scariest things about ghosts are what they show us of ourselves-- and it was good to see that the other side of me is doing ok-- not that it's all in the bag, but hey, i didn't throw up like i thought i might, and i enjoyed my evening out with a dear friend. and you know what? i hope the ghostie enjoyed his night out, too.
at any rate, thanks for listening.
mil besos--r
1 comment:
that's was good to read rachel. it sounds like things are really looking up in your world. or that you understand them better. the crap ain't through, but you're wading through it and cleaning yourself off. it was great to see you and i love you my friend. evan
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