On How Things Are: Babylonian Monday

I have become painfully aware in the last few years of how hard it is to be a grown up. Additionally, I understand that about seventy-five percent of the people I know and love are grown ups, in the realest and truest sense. They take care of their business, they think about what comes out of their mouths before they speak, they care for each other (and for me) when things get hard or crazy, they show up, they help out, they get it. The other twenty-five percent are either actual children (and therefore are not obligated to act like grown ups...even though some of them do...) or people who act like children.

I understand that being a real grown up is not always fun or easy. In fact, there are days when it really sucks to be a real grown up. However, the alternative is...well, it's not pretty.

This what I mean when I say "be a real grown up"... and I admit that I fail daily at one or several of these...but I try...

1) Be appropriate. If you're about to say something you think would embarrass your grandmother or someone else's grandmother, DON'T SAY IT. This also applies to Facebook. if you aren't sure what embarrasses someone's grandmother theses days, i can give you phone numbers for several grandmothers, including my own. please call them and screen yourself ASAP. Also, don't air dirty laundry, family feuds, divorce proceedings, or other melt-downs...you know that saying about turds in the punchbowl? Yeah, it's SOCIAL MEDIA, not your best friend's kitchen, your therapist's couch, or the confessional at church. THINK BEFORE YOU POST.

2) Pay attention and know your depth. If you have no idea about debt-limit, carbon footprints, the legal length for a keeper redfish, the migratory patterns of the swallows of Capistrano, etc., do not go read the wikipedia page on said topic and try and launch yourself as an authority on said topic. it's ok. not everyone can know everything. Be proud of your specialty. If you don't have one, be ok with that, or try to formulate one. Just be advised: reading the entire John Grisham canon does not give you license to practice law, or even to know what the hell is actually going on in a court case. This is the same situation as a cat having kittens in an oven...those kitties are not ( and never will be) muffins. Also, you can get a world class education with a library card. Just saying...

3) Say thank you as much as possible, to people, to plants, to pets, to God, to the universe. Even the smallest amount of gratitude, over the simplest of things goes A LONG WAY. Also, when someone says "thank you" to you, have the good grace to say "you're welcome", and not some dumb remark like "no problem" or "no worries". Acknowledge that the person is thanking you, whether you feel you went out of your way or not to help them out, do for them, refill their tea glass, etc. Same goes for smiling. Smile a lot. Return smiles.

4) If you say you're a Christian, or proclaim to be a person of any faith, have the good sense to act like it. Read your Bible (or whatever holy book applies to you and your method of knowing God) , and get in touch with Jesus (or appropriate incarnation of the Infinite) . Turn off your tv, and radio, and put down the newspaper. Go outside and see the creation God put in motion, and for the love of little green apples STOP BEING MEAN. You know that whole part about giving someone your coat if they ask for your shirt, or walking two miles instead of just one? I'm pretty sure Jesus REALLY SUPER EXTRA MEANT THAT. And all that stuff about poor people and orphans and strangers in strange lands? Yeah, he meant that part, too. It's super easy to talk about ideas and theories and dogma and doctrine from our clean houses and quiet lives. It's easy to forget that even the people (especially the people) who don't look, think, vote, act, pray or believe like we do are, in fact, still God's precious and incredible children. Stop smacking people around with your version of the Bible, and start asking God to help you love them like Jesus does. This is not easy. you will cry and be uncomfortable, a lot. Keep breathing. Keep praying. the Kingdom of God is between us. All of us.

5) However it works for you, be physically present. This may mean that you have to buy a plane ticket you can't afford, or sleep on a sofa bed that makes you understand what purgatory REALLY is, or go for thirty six hours without any sleep, at all. You will attend weddings, funerals, baptisms, graduations, etc. You will give presents that you won't receive thank you notes for (and yes, that's bad...), relations will exhibit terrible manners, some of the people you go to see will not behave well while you're there, and you will probably end up spending more money/getting less sleep than you bargained for. SHOW UP ANYWAY. There is no substitute, digitally or otherwise, that is better than YOU. If you can't show up, offer lots of encouragement via other outlets. but still...nothing is better than YOU in the flesh. And you'll be glad you went. Scrolling through your text message log is nothing compared to sharing a good/bad/funny/hilarious/ridiculous/shenanigans.

6) Work like hell to make things different than they are, better than they are, even though you know that you're just a cog in the wheel. Throwing up your hands and quitting because things are hopeless, feel bad, look ugly, or make you want to throw up...little kids do that...two year-olds do it really, really well. We are not two. WE ARE NOT TWO. We do what God, or the Universe asks us to do, answer the call that resonates in the deepest parts of ourselves, and give up the whine of "this shit is not fair", because as real grown ups, we've come to understand that "fair" is only something that happens in the city park, and has a lot to do with cotton candy and pony poo. Still, we work. We live in hope. When you see a wall go up, tear it down, even if you have to use your bare hands, and even if you see the work crew coming behind you to repair what you've just torn down. if you want things in life/world/etc to be different, stop expecting anyone else to make it different/right. The universe owes you nothing. God gave you breath, bone, and blood. That's enough for a major arts and crafts project. Do something major and magnificent, even if it's a little thing.

7) Don't ever believe, not for a single minute, that you are ever really alone, even when you feel like you are. God is there...even if you don't believe...God comes peeking into our lives in the most wonderful and joyfully sneaky ways. The loneliness we feel at the bottom of ourselves is part of the human condition, and a result of the fall. Deal with it. It's a universal. And it won't be right until we get to whatever happens after this life is over. No marriage, no babies, no lovers, no medicine, no retreat will fix that. Keep saying your prayers, loving your people, planting gardens, anyway. The loneliness is as heavy as you let it be, is as light as the burden you allow God or your peeps to help you carry. Deal with it. Get right with it. Know that it's not an eternal situation, and stop expecting it to be different.

8) Do not take yourself too seriously, but don't take yourself too lightly, either. Do the work it takes to arrive at a balance. It's hard. you'll readjust a lot. Sometimes, you will be very uncomfortable. Deal. It's good for you.

9) Pray when you wake up. Pray when you go to sleep. Pray during your day. Prayer looks like a lot of things to a lot of people. Find what your way looks like, and be fearless about the practice. Even if you aren't a church person, or don't know if you believe in God, or just what, it's good to pray...it gets you out of your head and encourages you to be engaged in the world in a different way. I think praying is a hallmark of adulthood.

10) Know your own story. Own your own story. Tell your story when it's time to share it. Know when not to tell your story. Your story is a holy thing. Treat it that way.

i think i have some work to do...

mil besos,
rmg