rearview

each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. 

--anias nin

he who does not see the whole world in his friends, does not deserve 

that the world should hear of him.

--goethe

the new is older than the old;

and newest friend is oldest friend in this:

that, waiting him, we longest grieved to miss

one thing we sought. 

--helen hunt jackson

the older i get, the more i realize how rare it is for people to maintain close friendships with people they've known since they were little.  i have close friendships with like...seven people i grew up with.  those roots go deep.  we're not just twice-a-year friends.  we talk regularly.  we know what nights not to call, who's got the day off, which way the wind is blowing in their corner of the world.  we have a weird short hand, and know ridiculous stories that happened WAY before college, WAY before hormones, WAY before crow's feet, or spouses, or when some of us still had two parents.  

this weekend, i got to watch one of my oldest and best friends be married to her beloved, by another of our oldest and best friends, with other old friends in attendance.  it was a day we had imagined as little girls, with barbies and kens and big poofy dresses, raiding her mom's old barbie collection for the perfect accessory, or at my grandmother's house, in the playroom, trying on old dresses and making veils out of old half-slips.  like so many things we imagine as little people, the reality far outstripped everything we were even kind of able to imagine about what weddings would REALLY look like.  but it is unaccountably sweet to think of those two little girls playing dolls, and dreaming about being brides.  we hear the voices of those little girls we were in our discussions about becoming wives, and i am constantly reminded of what a luxury that is.  i am profoundly grateful.  

my best best friend in the whole wide world was on the officiating end of the wedding.  he was married to the bride when we were in kindergarten, so the whole thing had a really nice bit of symmetry to it.  i was also so proud and excited to introduce my beloved and my bestest friend to each other, to be able to say to each of them, "this is one of the coolest people you'll ever meet, and i want you to be friends", to have them start to know each other.  they are two of the most important people in my life, two of my favorite men of all time, and it was fun to watch them navigate their first meeting.  they played well together.  listening to them, and talking with them, i was reminded of the things i love best about each of them, and was so awash with gooey girly feelings and the best possible sense of nostalgia, and wonderment about what's coming next.  

this man that i'm marrying is incredible.  just when i think i have a handle on how much i love him, on what i think must certainly be the deepest depth of my feeling and understanding of what it means to love and be loved by him, i have to run to the bathroom and cry a little bit, because i realize this really is just the beginning, and we are on such an adventure...one for the ages.  i know that in a very real sense, one day, years from now, i will look back at my thirty-four year old self with the same fondness and slight head-shake at her innocent musings( about married life and being a wife and wearing that amazing wedding dress and starting a whole new chapter with this glorious creature G-d made just for me) in much the way i have looked at my little-girl self in the rearview mirror  of my mind, all weekend. 

it's an amazing thing to learn than you are happier than you ever, ever, ever imagined you could be, over things and people and circumstances you never could have imagined, much less have had the sense to hope or pray for.  

to see your wildest dreams, your most far-fetched musings come into bloom in blazing technicolor, banishes thoughts of sleep or work or tomorrow, and demands you to be fully present, to wipe your eyes, and square your shoulders, and stare straight at the camera and smile, because this is now, and we can do anything. 

mil besos,

rmg