sh*t you missed...

have you reckon’d a thousand acres much? have you reckon’d the earth much?

 have you practis’d so long to learn to read?

 have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?

  stop this day and night with me, and you shall possess the origin of all poems;

 you shall possess the good of the earth and sun—(there are millions of suns left;)

 you shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books;

you shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me:

 you shall listen to all sides, and filter them from yourself. 

--walt whitman

we shall not cease from exploration

and the end of all our exploring

will be to arrive where we started

and know the place for the first time.

through the unknown, remembered gate

when the last of earth left to discover

is that which was the beginning;

at the source of the longest river

the voice of the hidden waterfall

and the children in the apple-tree

not known, because not looked for

but heard, half heard, in the stillness

between the two waves of the sea.

--t s eliot

the minute i heard my first love story, 

i started looking for you, not knowing

how blind that was.

lovers don't finally meet somewhere,

they're in each other all along.  

--rumi

so, two weeks ago, the manfriend and i are sitting on the couch in the apartment in happy valley, watching wimbledon and trying to avoid confronting the fact that he is about to leave, and we aren't going to see each other for TWO WHOLE WEEKS (GAH).  i'm wearing my favorite green t-shirt and black knit skirt, pink pearl earrings, and my silver bracelet that i always wear.  he's wearing his favorite gray t-shirt with the rocket ship on it and  black cargo shorts.  jinx is crawling all over the place and being super vocal.  it's about nine fifteen, and it's that really nice time in the morning, when the light is kind of soft and just starting to get really bright.  

homefry looks right at me, and says (and i'm paraphrasing, because there was A LOT that he said and i said that you don't need to know about, but this is the important part), "hey, i want you to think about something with me.  let's think about getting married. i want to do this with you in front of G-d and the people we love. let's do this."  

and then my head exploded all over the couch cushions.  

but really i just sort of nodded and said something totally inane and classic Peg like, "i totally want to think about that, too.  we can definitely do this."  that's right...the girl who never shuts up, who knows more metaphors that should be legally allowed, who even talks in her sleep couldn't come up with anything better to say that a sentence that included both the words "totally" and "definitely"...i think i probably said "seriously" a couple of times, too.  this dude really, really, really loves me, you guys.  and i can't say enough about all the ways and whys i love him.  

i didn't cry until he actually left, and then OMG, sh*t=lost.  laughing, crying, pacing and skipping, and Jinx giving the big "what the douce" eyes, and finally just retreating under my bed for the duration of the fit. 

and that was the best day, ever.  until last week. 

...and this is the part where i tell you that on friday the 13th (... we had our first date on a friday the 13th...), we decided that we were done thinking about getting married, and that we're getting married on thanksgiving day, in front of G-d and our families.  

this is real.  this is happening.  and i am so excited, i haven't stopped smiling.  and i can still hardly breathe.  

there is nothing better than how this feels, not in this life.  it  feels like praying, like singing, feels like doing all my favorite things all at once, feels like hosanna and alleluia, and saying thank you to G-d with every single breath.  i feel like Moses must have, when he looked at the burning bush, and saw the flames, felt the heat--the bush was not consumed, and Something Amazing was happening... i am awestruck and at attention, and i don't want to miss a single second. it's holy ground, this.  and i have no intention of ever putting on shoes (metaphorically speaking, of course...) ever, ever again, even when i have to go to the grocery store.  

oh, internets...thanks for being here.  we can't wait to see you and show each other off.  thanks for your love, and your prayers...we love you, too. 

and killer, i love you. 

we're definitely, totally getting married.  seriously.  

mil besos,

rmg