if it were monday, i'd probably be in tears. i have no idea why i have such a bad attitude lately, but i sure do. i'd like to chalk it up to pms, but i'm afraid that is simply not the case. i'm just asking myself some big questions lately. like "what do i really want to do with the rest of my life?" or "who do i want to be when i'm 30?" or "what kind of a life do i want for myself?" or "what really is my vocation?" like i said, big questions.
and i'm not pretending that i think i'm the only one who ever feels this way. God knows everyone goes through some new self-discovery period every few years. it seems like it's so popular for 20somethings to go through a "quarter-life" crisis, that i think i've thought myself into that particular hole.
i mean, each of us, in our own way, is seeking to make a difference in the world. and that is going to look totally different to every person, because we all see the world through our own sets of values, mores, ideals, etc. i just want to know what God or the Universe or Ultimate Reality expects of me. and maybe that's a cop out. maybe all that God or the Universe or Ultimate Reality every really wants from us is for us to find out what makes us happy, under what set of rules we function best, how we can best fill a hole or grease a gear, etc. the frusterating thing for me right now is that i can see so many holes, and hear so many grinding gears. does that make sense?
i just think it's time to say all of this out loud, because the great bulk of you already know how i'm feeling right now, and some of you have felt this way yourselves at some point. at any rate, talking about this, and "saying it out loud" is better than gassing up the car and driving to a beach far far away. sort of.
tomorrow will be better.
mil besos-r
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