the perseid meteor shower is set to begin in a few hours. i know, i am a huge nerd. the perseids are the last of the summer showers, and we have to wait until november for the leonids to give us some more fodder upon which to wish. my college astronomy teacher would be so proud of me for knowing that...he was a huge nerd, too.
but seriously, i wish i could go find a big flat rock, still hot from the oven of a day we had today, lay back and just watch the sky. funny what you take for granted-- like free time, or meteor showers, or being able to see the inky blackness of the "real" night sky. if i weren't so completely pooped out, you can bet i'd be in the middle of some hay field, praying for no snakes, and wishing my little heart out on those tiny pieces of dust that fly through the air once in a season. besides, i cheated and got to see a few of the geminids when i was out west on vacay...lucky me.
the new job is harder than i thought it would be. 12 year old cerebral palsy patients are sometimes very hard to carry. and 12 year old cerebral palsy patients who can't tell you what's the matter are sometimes very hard to soothe. but i've teased a smile or two out of sweet baby a, and those were what i've realized are called "little victories", and i am more thankful for those than just about anything i've managed to make onmy own in the last 5 years.
5 years...that's a long time. that's when i graduated college and thought i was moving to dc to take over the world with good policy and love for all people. and i was still 21. what a sucker, huh? it's amazing to me that i was ever that idealistic. it's even more amazing to me that i still have that crazy tendency to hope that things will turn out for the best, that wishing on that one shooting star could really turn the tide, make the difference, fix the situation, ect. funny, huh? sort of, i guess. either that or i'm finally just giving in to the madness. and maybe that's ok, too. ultimately, i have to go back to one of my favorite movies, the shawshank redemption (also a great short story, btw), in which the protagonist (andy dufresne) reminds the hardened lifer-con (red) that "hope is a good thing...maybe the best thing". that loop gets stuck in my head, and even on days when i don't believe that hoping something will happen will make it so, i feel a tiny bit better.
as a further downer aside, and to really stink this post up with some nostalgic drivel for the masses, i'll go ahead and say that i was very saddened by this week's passing of peter jennings. what a great man. seriously. and while i was watching mr. rogers with sweet baby a yesterday, i had the melancholic and probably over-dramatic idea that three men who were very pivotal in helping make me the person i am today passed away at what seems to be sort of critical junctures in my pursuit of adulthood. my dad died before i started college, which sucked, because i was still trying to figure out what i wanted to do when i grew up, and i fully expected him to be around for that little venture, and he taught me about life as a real, authentic person with screw ups and personality flaws and relationships that are sometimes better than others, and how to say that you're sorry and mean it, how to deal and not deal with strengths and weaknesses, and how to accept God's grace andmercy so you can offer them to those around you--he and mom taught me about who i wanted to be as a person, and tried like hell to show me how to get there. mr. rogers died right as i was beginning to teach children about God and the universe and doing good things, and he taught me that everyone was my neighbor, and that we all lived in the same neightborhood, and that make-believe was for grown-ups, too. peter jennings died as i was beginning to venture out of my comfortable little existence and see what kind of life i could carve out for myself in the wide world, and he was always the one (i used to watch world news tonight at 6:30 every night in my dad's lap, or by his chair, without fail, until i was in high school and had too much shit to do) who told me if the world was the same as when i woke up, and i expected to know who our collective friends were, who was screwing stuff up and how, etc. bizarre, no?
anyway, it's been a long week. i'm so freaking glad tomorrow is friday. i may buy a bottle of wine on the way home from work tomorrow and drink the whole thing (maybe share a glass with mom, since she's letting me sponge, and cooking me real dinner every night, and packing me a lunch and snack every morning...and she has cable. i could get very comfortable here, for a while, anyway...seriously, how amazing and wonderful and full of love is it that the woman who's body i invaded for 9 months is letting me invade her house and life all over again, just at the point at which i'm supposed to be doing stuff on my own? she's amazing. she's my hero. love my momma big...i also love parentetical phrases real big, too...and elipses...) while i try and sort out the chaos of boxes that seem to be growing like some kind of paste-board rabbit colony. seriously, i don't remember having this much shit in my personal possession...
viva la adkins. i miss real chocolate...
mil besos--rmg
5 comments:
Silly Spa'chel, the Perseids are visible until August 22. This morning was just the peak. Why, I made a wish on one two weeks ago. There are still plenty of wishes out there. The best time to see them is before sunrise in the eastern sky.
Love,
Your Personal METEORologist
We're right here where you left us-keep writing---especially the goopy stuff. Balance, dahling, balance.
Moms are really cool, and so is wishing on falling stars.
There's apparently big news in the healthcare industry! Who knew? Anyways, I like to think about your Dad. You being his first born, hold the memory of that man and in a way that we don't and in many ways he is you, still walking amongst us, and for that I feel lucky to be of your acquaintance. In one private, yet pivotal moment in my life...one which I will always remember till the day I die, your father said one of the most meaningful things to me that anyone has ever said, even above my own parents on some scale. I still think about that almost every day, and I wish he were here again so I could tell him thank you. Hope all is well in the world of Rachel!
There's apparently big news in the healthcare industry! Who knew? Anyways, I like to think about your Dad. You being his first born, hold the memory of that man and in a way that we don't and in many ways he is you, still walking amongst us, and for that I feel lucky to be of your acquaintance. In one private, yet pivotal moment in my life...one which I will always remember till the day I die, your father said one of the most meaningful things to me that anyone has ever said, even above my own parents on some scale. I still think about that almost every day, and I wish he were here again so I could tell him thank you. Hope all is well in the world of Rachel!
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