back in the saddle

geeze louise. it's hard to believe this summer really happened. it's like i stepped out of camp and right back into life before may 27th. it's not like that, that's exactly what happened. and i'm mostly ok with that, for now. sort of.

i still have no idea what i want to be, or do, etc. but i have started circulating my resume around, and am scouring craigslist and the statesman frantically searching for something i might be qualified to do that might also accidentally pay some bills. cross your fingers and light those candles. i need all the help i can get, at this point. top that off with getting an ear infection for the first time in about 20 years, and you can imagine that this week has been a little on the frustrating side of life. but i will live.

it's amazing to think that ten years ago, i was starting my senior year in high school. all that is behind me was before me, and i had not the slightest clue about anything. i remember feeling like 18 was so old and so worldly. staring down the proverbial barrel of 28, i look at 18 year olds and envy them a little of their innocence and wonderment, and false sense of maturity. honey, what i didn't know then could have filled a book. still could, if the truth be told. but it's so funny to me that it didn't feel that way at all. maybe i've been watching too many felicity re-runs to be making any sense at all.

i have got to stop watching that show--it's of the devil, i swear. it's just so charming, so mind-numbing, and it comes on back to back every afternoon. damn you, time warner cable and the we network, damn you straight to hell and back. just don't change up your programming schedule until we get to the end of season 4, ok?

i guess what really bothers me about all this angst concerning jobs and living spaces and 401k's and relationships, etc. is that i keep wondering when people are going to stop being patient with me about all of it. when do i finally get the big talk about fishing or cutting bait? i know i've given it to myself about 10 thousand times, but i still come up with a new plan every six months, but nothing seems to stick. maybe that means that i really am one of those vagabond people who are just going to drift from random thing to random thing, and die without ever having a real career or doing something solid for 20 years, and getting a nice watch and a plaque with my name on it. maybe it means that i haven't looked in the right corner yet, that i'm still searching out the thing i'm supposed to do. i wish i could get paid to write this thing, because i'd sure as hell update it alot more than i do, and i would use spellcheck much more faithfully. anyway, it's past my bedtime, and since baby a has got to be on the bus at 6:50am tomorrow morning, and i'm finally settling into reading "on the road" for about the 40-eleventh time, and am determined to finish it, by hook or by crook, i'll shut this rambler down.

if you have the chance, i highly suggest picking up the new issue of rolling stone magazine. bob dylan is on the cover, and that should be enough inducement for anyone.

mil besos--rmg