i stayed home from work yesterday. that almost never happens. i took medicine, slept the bulk of the day, slathered vick's vapo-rub all over my chest and throat, and turned my bathroom into a steam-shower four times. i am so glamorous, it's hard to even contemplate it, sometimes. shocking to think that i am still single, isn't it? taking a for real sick day was glorious, and even though i still sound like kathleen turner, i feel a little better. my poor cat didn't know what to think--he's used to me getting up, turning on the tv, getting ready for work, and bolting out the door by 9:30 most mornings, and not getting home until 6 or 7 at night. i think he was secretly irritated to have to share the bed all day.
i spent two days at a leadership conference last week with my staff. my boss told me to work on processing everything we heard/saw/read, to journal or blog about it. so i'm blogging in the middle of a work day, and i don't feel too guilty about that. bossman said to do so, and i like to be a good soldier, so here i am. and truth be told i don't really know what i think about everything i heard last week. i'd like to believe that there are some good nugets to be put to use, some real depth and substance to be explored and put into practice.
my fear is that too many cook spoil the broth. and we have so many, many, many cooks. and i'm not sure that we're all real clear on what the menu is. it reminds me of pot-luck dinner at church, where everyone knows just what they want to bring, but there's a good shot that without some direction, you'll just end up with a table full of pea-salad, or nothing but desserts and deviled eggs. so i'm processing. and i'm afraid. a little afraid.
but this is not my table. it belongs to God, and my job is to bring to God what God has given to me. and to unappologetic about that. and so i will be. even though the thought scares me, and what i have to give seems so different, so small and large and overwhelming and insignificant. but it is God's. and it is mine.
i know in my bones that at some point in the near future, i will go to Africa. i don't know how. i don't know why. and i don't know where. but i am going. i know that like i know my own name. it's not even so much as a desire as it is a compulsion. and i can't ignore it. i have known i would go to Africa since i was in college. and lately, the dreams of dust and noise and movement, of blue sky and red earth haunt me and loom larger than they ever have before. something, and i don't know what, broke open inside of me while i was in mexico, and i can't help but think that the trickle is a flood now, and i have to just relax, and let it take me where i'm going. to fight it seems like something close to a sin. i have many questions. many questions. and i am realizing that the answer to most of them, or at least to the most important of them has to be "yes".
mil besos--rmg
No comments:
Post a Comment