bad sign...

what happens when you have the only inanimate object in the zodiac as your sign? crappy horoscopes like this:

You may not have much luck getting to sleep for a day or so, especially if you've been trying to figure out how to deal with an extremely precarious personal situation.

well thank you Captain Obvious for that stunning and suprising report. geeze oh man, people, geeze oh man. i should tell you that i really don't put much stock in crap like horoscopes, etc. i pretty much think they are crap, all the time. today's hit the nail on the head, though. i don't know if that's coincidence, like how if you put 20 chimps in a room with 20 typewritters and locked them in for a certain period of time at some point they would have typed out all of shakespeare's sonnets, or if El Jefe (that's mary's baby daddy) is trying to get my attention by any means necessary. i know, El Jefe only rarely gets militant, but it's been known to happen from time to time.

the funny thing is, i've had a string of really great days. i don't mean days where it's all happy-happy joy-joy, but great days nonetheless. some light thinking, but no car crying, some light journaling, but no really bad poetry, some recreational alcohol consumption, but no drunk-dailing. i even found time to work on my tan this weekend. and brunch after baby nels' baptism was ab-fab. i am still a little full, i must confess. and then last night at about 8pm i just start on this spiral of thought that just never got to the bottom of everything. it sucked.

it was like i couldn't stop thinking-- and i don't mean just about me and my life. i was thinking about the november arrival of my fabulous niece or nephew, about my friend a-rod and how he needs a new job, about all these random interviews i have been encouraged to take--like everywhere from kansas to atlanta to houston, whether or not i am secretly out to break my own heart, etc. ok, so i did think alot about my life. and i tried the old trick of counting backwards from 476 (it used to work when i was little), i did my yoga breathing, i tried thinking of nice things, i imagined all my favorite colors in order (blue like the sky, green like the grass, brown like the dirt, etc...), i tried to sing all the verses from american pie inside my head, because i know the whole song is 24 minutes long, and i just knew that would put me to sleep.

i thought about turning the light on and reading some more, but by this time, it was almost 2, and i was afraid that if i started reading, i would get really interested and end up even more awake than i already was. i should have turned on the light. but i didn't come to that realization until about 6am, when i got up to go to the bathroom and realized that i had to be at work in 3.5 hours. i was not happy.

let me just say this: i know why they use sleeplessness to torture people. lack of sleep gets inside your head-- it makes you wonder about things you just should leave alone. it sucks.

sometimes i think i should change the blog's name from "blue plate special" to "welcome to my neurotic universe". it's bizarre, because i know i don't have a big old case of the crazies-- this is normal, i am ok, and lord knows i give a lot of latitude when it comes to the rest of the human race actually being human. maybe this is what mary luna meant when she told me i needed to learn to be gentle with myself. and maybe this is a start. so, keep reading if you dare. heaven knows i can't keep from writing it all down, in some form or fashion. in the mean time ( oh G-d, there is a song in that phrase, i just know it...) i'm going to go make a pot of coffee and finish my magical work notebook.

mil besos--rmg

*in the mean time,
in between time,
oh there's a fine line
between where you are
and where you wish to be*